As a woman who strives to be her “best self” (as challenging as that can be at times), I always look to learn ways to improve my mindset, outlook, and behaviors, as transformation in those areas is essential when it comes to personal growth. Because of this desire to continually elevate and improve my life, I often find myself led down the rabbit hole of self-discovery via inspiring and enlightening books, podcasts, and even social media videos.

Recently, I discovered a leading psychologist named Dr. Amanda Hanson who regularly posts viral videos (seen by 5M people and garnering 234k likes), as her content popped up in my Explore feed while browsing on social media one day. In the video linked above, she talked about why society likes women to be insecure stating “Have you seen a woman who knows her worth? She is very inconvenient. She has high standards. She doesn’t buy things to fix herself. And she won’t let you project your traumas onto her, because she doesn’t fear being alone.”

Her message sparked an ember within my soul, as I’m passionate about educating and empowering women, and because I resonate with the core messaging in that video, and her content, in general. As women, we often face the pressure to be “perfect”, to live up to everyone’s expectations of how we should look, dress, speak, etc., and to continually give our time and energy to everyone, while sacrificing our own needs. Fortunately, that centuries-old paradigm is shifting rapidly, as women are starting to speak up more, band together, and redefine what it means to be a modern-day woman, in all our strength, grace, and glory.

That said, I was inspired to reach out to Dr. Hanson to learn more about her thoughts on how women can learn to practice self-love to boost self-worth, increase confidence, and feel more fulfilled in their lives and careers.

Dr. Amanda Hanson (known as The Midlife Muse by her nearly 500k followers on Instagram) is a doctor of psychology, speaker, and author renowned for her transformative work in redefining the paradigm of womanhood. In over 24 years of her career, she has reached millions of women across the globe and has had several empowering and transformative videos go viral on TikTok and Instagram.

She’s spoken at the “Unstoppable Woman Summit” hosted by Tony Robbins and has been featured in the New York Post, Daily Mail, Business Insider, and other major media. She sees female psychology and physiology as a harmonious system where the wellness of one cannot be considered without the other. She believes that due to the various physical and emotional disruptors in modern society, that harmonious system easily gets out of balance, but society doesn’t encourage women to look at the cause, offering us another bandaid solution instead.

Here’s what we discussed:

CLP: Many women struggle with the constant pressure to meet society’s standards of beauty and success. How can women break free from these expectations and embrace their unique qualities and strengths, while becoming the best version of their authentic selves?

AH: “Pay attention to where you put your focus. Do a digital clean-up. We must understand everything we consume, affects our lives. Every show you watch, every social media account you follow, every toxic beauty ad you read. If you want to be free of these expectations then you need to create a life free of these lies.

Women can also break free from these expectations when they surround themselves with women who are doing the same. Being in proximity to women who live their lives based on values that are rooted in the soul is the best way to learn how to become freer. Every time I desired change in my life, I got myself next to women who were living the way I desired to live.

Decide how you want to live your life. Constantly chasing approval and validation from the outside world or living a life grounded in self-approval and self-validation.

It’s also important to understand that products must create a campaign of fear to sell to you. Become a woman who no longer falls for such insulting marketing.”

CLP: Self-doubt can be crippling, often leading to a lack of confidence and holding women back from pursuing their dreams. What are some effective techniques to silence the inner critic and cultivate high self-esteem?

AH: “To silence the inner critic you have to build a foundation of self-love, but to build that you must first become intimate with yourself. We cannot love something we do not know. We cannot love something we are always hiding. Building self-intimacy is a profound journey inward. Women are raised to find love rather than be loved, to share intimacy rather than cultivate it within first. See yourself as the most fascinating, unique, incredible gift, and from that place really get to know who you are. You cannot doubt something that you know, love, and trust, so once you build self-love and self-trust you will be unstoppable in the pursuit of your dreams.”

CLP: You had a video go viral on Instagram (garnering over 2M views and 116k likes) about why society “wants women to be insecure”. Can you expound upon this, and how we, as women, can discover ways to become confident? In your experience, what role do societal constructs and cultural norms play in shaping women’s perceptions of themselves, and how can they navigate these influences to foster a healthier self-image? 

AH: “Yes this video was extremely relatable for women across the globe. I believe it’s because we are all tired of the never-ending messaging about looking younger, thinner, prettier, tighter. Women are exhausted by these unrealistic standards and also understand it’s dehumanizing. I have never met a woman who has not felt the burden of societal constructs and cultural norms. I have also never met a woman who became fully liberated while also conforming. You cannot build a healthier self-image while also absorbing endless toxic messages. You have to disentangle yourself from the sickness of the messaging if you want to have a healthy self-image.”

CLP: Negative self-talk is a common barrier to self-love and acceptance. How can women reframe their internal dialogue to foster kindness and compassion towards themselves?

AH: “Start in the mirror every single morning. Before you even turn your phone on. Meet yourself. Look into your own eyes and practice standing there through the lens of self-honor and reverence for what is. Women rarely go to the mirror to be, but rather to critique and judge. This practice, over the course of ninety days will change your nervous system and will be a foundation of self-love so profound, you will move differently in the world. This is my nonnegotiable three-minute practice every single morning.”

CLP: Comparison has become rampant in the age of social media, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. How can women cultivate a mindset of self-worth?

AH: “Self-worth is an inside job, so it cannot be built looking outside of yourself. Learn to celebrate and value all of your unique talents and gifts. Root into the reality that every moment wasted in comparison is a moment you could have been living your one and only precious life.”

For more inspiring ideas that will help you elevate your life and become your best self, check out the Personal Growth section on Inspirations & Celebrations.